


hold me, i'm slipping away

by tentatively



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 3.14 coda, Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, also how i magine alec will decide to go to edom for magnus, basically alec consoling magnus, give my child his magic back, i don't like lorenzo, it is sort of magnus centric, lorenzo can fuck off, magnus and alec being the soft boyfriends that they are, malec is the definition of soft, post 3.14, protect magnus bane at all costs, season 3b
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 18:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18168437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tentatively/pseuds/tentatively
Summary: Magnus finds his nose bleeding while trying to open a portal to the institute. His newly infused magic from Lorenzo Ray was already having side effects.





	hold me, i'm slipping away

**Author's Note:**

> magnus literally deserves the whole world, i'm only stating facts : )

Without his magic, Magnus felt like a stranger in his own body. Centuries of performing even the most herculean tasks with just a click of two fingers had become his habit, a part of of who he was. Having that power suddenly taken away from him, he felt stranded. 

So, when Lorenzo infused him with powers again, Magnus was ready to give up any material thing in return. Even though he realized the vile intentions of Lorenzo, he gave up his dear apartment. Alec was enraged, "I'll kill him," he seethed and as much as Magnus' heart swooned at the protectiveness of his boyfriend, he knew that those were his decisions. Magnus was ready to take full responsibility of it.

But when trying to portal to the institute that same night, Magnus' nose started bleeding, very evidently as a side effect of his new and alien powers, Magnus felt more traumatized than he ever had. Thing was, he had feared that Lorenzo's powers wouldn't fit well with him from the start. But when things started running smoothly, Magnus thought that maybe he had no reason to worry. But now, as the side effects started kicking in, Magnus felt that re emerged flicker of hope seep out his heart, slowly burning him from within. Living like a mundane had been painful, but now the realization of returning to that state after being infused with new powers again was even more shattering. 

His phone rang in his pocket. Shakily, he pulled it out and glanced at the caller. It was Alexander. 

"Magnus?"

"Yes, Alexander?"

"Are you at the institute yet?"

"No, I-I, um, I'll be there in a minute."

There was a slight pause. "Is everything alright?" Magnus felt his eyes stinging. No, nothing was okay. Nothing had been okay since he had traded his magic with Asmodeus. Not that he regretted helping Jace, not at all. But honestly, he had given away everything he was and now he was left with misery and memories. Nobody except Alexander seemed to notice his daily hassles, struggles and hours of questioning who he even was now, and the occasional break downs. Even Alec wasn't a spectator to all those hours, dark hours that belonged to Magnus alone. He had taken the decision to give up the magic, so, he could not expect anyone to bear its burden. 

"I am perfectly fine," Magnus managed, hanging up. 

Before entering the institute, Magnus cleaned his nose so as to not leave any spec of blood anywhere. The four of them, Alec, Izzy, Jace and Clary, were there, discussing the matter at hand. The Morning Star sword. If Jonathan were to find it before they did, he could summon an entire army of demons and that would not be a pretty sight. As Alec's eyes landed on Magnus, his face lit up in a subtle fashion. "So Magnus kind of got his powers back," Alec announced, a hint of uncertainty and concern in his voice.

"That is amazing, but how?" Jace asked. It wouldn't be wrong to say that Jace felt guilty for the loss of the warlock's magnificent powers. 

"Lorenzo Ray...helped him, if you wanna call it that. He took away his apartment in return, that son of a bitch," Alec cursed him bitterly, having taunted and warned Lorenzo just a few moments back. 

Magnus sighed. "You're too bitter about it, Alexander. I gave it to him. Now lets focus at the matter at hand."

After talking about the probable locations of the sword, Alec noticed that Magnus' hand kept brushing against his nose subconsciously. It concerned him because he had never seen Magnus do that so often before and it was clearly some issue. When they were walking up to their room, Alec asked him, "Did you hurt your nose? Wait- did Lorenzo do something to your nose?" 

As flattered as Magnus felt at Alec's prevalent protectiveness, the circumstances didn't let him enjoy it. "I don't know," Magnus sighed. "When I created the portal to arrive at the institute, I suddenly felt my nose bleed. I'm thinking its side effects of Lorenzo's magic."

"This stuff has side effects?" Alec asked. "If you bleed every time you use your magic, Magnus, it cannot be right. I mean, that can't be the way. The magic should be yours and if it is failing to be so, it will only be more and more harmful for you."

"You think I don't know that?" Magnus demanded. "You think I don't feel it in my bones? Even though it is the same power, it feels foreign. Do you know what that's like, Alexander? I feel this energy coursing through my veins and yet it is not mine. It refuses to be mine. And now it hurts me physically to use something that I was born with."

"Hey, hey, Magnus," Alec said softly, cupping his face. "Don't think so much about it, really. Like I told you before, you are still powerful without your magic."

"Its easy for you to say!" Magnus almost screamed. "I have given away everything for everyone. I gave up who I am for the ones around me to be happy and safe. And I am not blaming anyone for it, for my actions. But the bitter truth of it all is that now I am left in a hole, a deep, dark hole from where I cannot pick myself up no matter how hard I try. I just want to be feel like myself; is that too much to ask?" 

Magnus was about to walk away but Alec tightly held his wrist. "I'm sorry, Magnus, I should have been more sensitive about this. Its just, problem after problem keeps swarming and in all of it, its as if people have forgotten that you, Magnus Bane, made the biggest sacrifice of them all. I feel terrible that you had to bottle up all those emotions in you, by yourself and I wasn't there to hear them when you needed to let them out."

"No, Alexander, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have reacted that way-"

Alec's finger shut him up in the most gentle way. "Remember what you told me at the beginning of our relationship? 'When things get crazy, don't push me away'? Please don't do the same with me now, Magnus." Saying these words, Alec leaned in and captured the warlock's lips in a gentle and comforting kiss. 

"Now, just wait. I promise you, Magnus, that I will bring you your magic back, no matter what," Alexander said, his voice a mixture of determination and love. His lover had done enough, now Magnus deserved nothing but good things and people paying atleast a meager part of what he had done for them. 

"But how-"

Without answering his question, Alec pulled his boyfriend in for another kiss. In his head, he had already decided. 

Edom.


End file.
